PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize