I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
