does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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