He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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