As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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