Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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