This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
