She is in my trunk
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
