I faked an abortion last night.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize