pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
