This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
