well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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