So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
