sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
