remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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