I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Bring me that man meat
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
