I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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