fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
