Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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