Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
