found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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