I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
