so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
