Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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