Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
