I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
