i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
