I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
