he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We are all done wearing pants today
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
