He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
