remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
