he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
