When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
