If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hippo gnu deer
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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