I wish I could punch you in the face.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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