Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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