Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
