dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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