My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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