Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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