well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
