I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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