I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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