I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
