there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
