..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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