Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
