How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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