Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
