there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
