yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
