so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sober January is a disaster.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
