UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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