I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
