I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize