We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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