I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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