Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
A bitchslap is in order.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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