I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my shit smells like andre
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
