happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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