you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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