I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
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