I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize