it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
