woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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