all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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