So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
